i'm trying.

but i swear, it's not easy. it's far from being easy. i've been waiting for you for six months and i'm slowly getting tired. i told myself a few nights ago that maybe it's better if i just let go and move on. but you know what, i can't. i'ts crazy how whenever i close my eyes it's still you i see. i still hear your voice at the back of my head for some fucking reason. i feel so bad for myself for being this way. whenever i tell myself that letting go of you is for the best, a part of me just holds back and tells me that i haven't done everything and i haven't done enough for you to realize that i am worth it and that i love you. other people tell me that it's my fault that you're treating me like shit now. they keep on telling me that i was actually the one who was treating you that way since day one that's why you've learned to do the same. but i wasn't treating you that way. maybe i was sending the wrong signals. maybe i was being too pa-hard to get that's why you thought i was pushing you away. but all i really want was for you to be really close to me, for you to chase me, for you to show me that you want me. but you didn't. instead, you started avoiding me, stopped talking to me, and started treating me like i don't mean anything to you at all. it hurts so bad. i can't even put to words how much it saddens me that i can never be with you anymore. you're the first guy that i've been this crazy for, you're the first guy who made me change my ways, for real. and you're the first guy who has made me wait for half a year. everybody knows that waiting was never my kind of thing. but with you, it's different. with you, i'm willing to go that extra mile, rain or shine.

remember when i sneaked out of the house at 12am last summer just to see you? remember when i went out on a random Saturday night even thought it was raining just because you've been calling me non stop because you wanted to see me? remember that September night when we were reminiscing about the first night that we met? remember the first time our lips touched? i'm inlove with you and every single memory i had with you. i guess i'm holding on too much with our memories that''s why it gets so hard for me to move on. right now, even though i'm hurting, i'm still waiting. i'm still hoping that you might wake up one day and realize that it's actually me that you need. even if there's a new girl or none, i'm still gonna wait for you. yes, i will. cause before i move on, before i let go completely, i promise i'm gonna do whatever it takes to show you that i am worth it.